A blessing, part two

Looking at the new photos and the video we received of our K a week ago made me feel overwhelmed and excited at the same time. He can do things that I wasn't sure he was able to do (lift his head, extend his hands, smile!), but also is a very visual reminder of how incredibly delayed he is. You can't see it in the pictures alone, but the video reveals what a very inward, neglected little boy he is.

I think we're nuts. ;)

But then I remember something God told me WAY ahead of time.

In April of 2010, when Reuben was still only 9 months old, and still young enough for his delays to fit within the range of "normal" (in other words, we had NO IDEA what was coming our way!) I was asked to lead a short devotional for a baby shower at church. This is not the kind of thing I do. I have led plenty of Bible studies, but a "devotional" was not my typical mode of functioning. So I just decided to share some things that God had been showing me that week.

Reuben had been sick with his first ear infection. I think Leah had a cold or something, too, so I was really tired (ha! I had no idea what "tired" was back then!) and worn out, and this is what I shared, more or less...

"I can't give expert "Biblical Mothering Advice", but I can share how God is using my being a mother to shape me right now. The Bible tells us in Psalm 127:3 that children are a blessing from the Lord. [I shared briefly how Reuben came to be as a result of Matt's obedience to this truth.] But right now he's sick, and Leah's sick, and I'm tired, and it's tough. So is it true? Are children really a blessing? What does that blessing look like?

"Well, let me read what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. "But [the Lord] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." [emphasis added] I read this, and thought to myself, when I am well rested, I can be 'good' on my own. When everything is going well, and is under control, and I get enough sleep, then it's 'easy' to be kind and gentle and patient and all those other good things. But when I am weak, tired, then I need to learn to rest in him. And the promise held out here is that in our weakness the power of Christ rests on us. Not only is this time when my children are up a lot at night not a time to question how they are a blessing, it IS part of the blessing. One of the ways that children are a blessing is that they put us in a place of weakness - a place where we both need the power of Christ, and where we can receive the perfect power of Christ for the sake of Christ. Who doesn't want that???

"I think then, too, of what Paul writes in Philippians, at another time when he's reflecting on living with difficulties. He writes, "...
I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:11b-13) What strikes me about this is that so often this passage is discussed in terms of "wow - Paul really learned a secret - he could be content when life was nasty" when in reality, Paul is saying that there is a secret that brings contentment when life is nasty and when it is fantastic. When he has enough to eat and when he doesn't. When you don't get enough sleep and when you do. He can do all of these things, how? Through Christ who strengthens him. Because when his strength is coming not from himself, but from Christ, he can rest contented in any of these things. And what a better place to play out the highs and lows of life than in the midst of mothering?

"Let's end back where we started - in Psalm 127. The third verse is the one that tells us that children are a blessing. Go back two verses to the beginning, and we read, "Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain." God has to do the building. God has to be the strength. If he is not, we labor in vain - our life is worthless. One of the blessings that God is showing me that my children are is the way they make me aware of my weakness and drive me toward him."

When I shared that with the small group of women nearly three years ago, I had NO IDEA the point of weakness that God was preparing for us. I haven't had a full night's sleep in over two years. (Reuben's seizures happen more often at night, and part of the instability in his brain also makes for irregular sleep patterns, and often long periods of wakefulness on nights when he isn't exhausted from seizures. Add to that the fact that we tend to jump at any noise from the other children to quickly go to them and settle them to prevent startling Reuben awake and putting him at increased risk of a seizure, and the handful of nights that I've gotten 5-6 hours of continuous sleep are like gold!) And sleep isn't the only way that raising a child with a disability makes you "weak."

But I am learning day by day the truth that was wrapped up in what I shared with those women, and also finding the intense joy that follows a life that is needy for God. So on the surface, I think we're nuts! But I trust that I serve a God who is not only able to work through my weaknesses, but who delights to work through my weaknesses so that all my boasting may be in him, and that I may live my life for his sake.

We are eager to see the blessing that God will bring to all of our lives through the addition of K to our family, believing that children ARE a blessing.