A dear friend of mine was finally able to make it over here (with six of their seven children!) to meet our girls and just to visit. As she and I emailed back and forth a bit after the visit, she put into words something that I've noticed all along, but haven't been able to state as clearly as she did:
"Bogomila isn't just trying to assimilate into one culture (America), but TWO--American and Family."
She hit the nail on the head. It would be hard enough after spending your whole life (sixteen years - Bogomila's nearly an "adult"!) in one culture, to jump into a completely new one cold turkey! New country, new language, new foods. But in most cases, a child would have at least the support of their family as they take on this challenge; for Bogomila, yes, she now has a family to help her with the transition...but that involves as much culture shock as the language and country aspects do, and perhaps even more.
The whole notion of what it means to be a part of a family is something she has never experienced, and is even more foreign to her than living in Minnesota instead of Bulgaria. For starters, the culture of "family" is much more invasive than simply a change of location. We have this crazy desire to know her, to understand her, to love her, and to love her in a way that she has absolutely no frame of reference for understanding. And being part of a family means that you lose part of your autonomy - suddenly your life intersects with and impacts and is impacted by the lives of others in a way that you've never imagined, and even if you've always wanted a family, and always carried around the pain of knowing you were abandoned by your very own mother and father, the reality of living in a family is understandably rather jarring at times!
It's much easier and safer to just stay in your room listening to your own music, and just come out when you have to.
However, more and more we're noticing an open door policy beginning to be instated. Tonight as Matt and I were working on getting little people ready for bed, this is what I saw around the corner...
Joyful tears falling down my face! Yes, THIS is what family is. God was so perfect in His timing to send Gloria as a special sister to Bogomila. Truly she is softening the transition to the "family" culture as only a baby can. Awesome.
ReplyDeletehugs,
elisa
Rock it Bogomila, C'est la vie sung by Cheb Khalid and Bogomila. :) Love how she adores her baby sister!!
ReplyDeleteGod bless
Erika
Happy tears here, too, Andrea! A baby sister is exactly what Bogomila needed...someone "safe" to love with all her heart. No risk of hurt or possibly emotionally scary expectations in return. What a gift! It is so beautiful to see.
ReplyDeleteGwen and I watched it together -- how cute! She loved how Gloria was copying Bogomila. (I loved to see Gloria in that dress, that was one of my favorites of Gwen's.)
ReplyDeleteThat's super cute. It's very beneficial for Bogomila to watch you raise a baby so she can see how it's done and see how a baby grows up in a family.
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