Play date

Reuben had a "first" today* of a sort that I had been prepared to never have with him.

He had a play date with a friend from school.

Yes, I know that doesn't seem like that big of a deal for an eight year old, but for a mostly non-verbal, significantly delayed child who sucks his thumb and has no qualms about things like filling his diaper in a room full of people (and is completely oblivious to the fact that this is socially inappropriate!), who loves people, but has a very unique way of interfacing with his world, it's a really big deal.

Reuben spends most of his time in the public school in the special-ed classroom, but joins his mainstream class for morning meeting and a few other regular "specials" throughout the day. This year, as has happened in years before, Reuben is well received by the other children in his class, but midway through this year an email from his teacher also mentioned that there was one little boy in particular, Graeme, who had really connected with Reuben.

We got to see this in real life towards the end of the school year when Reuben's class had a special day for parents to come for "Poetry and Popsicles." Thinking (accurately), that the whole deal might be a little too overwhelming for Reuben, his teacher suggested our family come to watch the dress rehearsal that morning. It brought me to tears to see all of his classmates willing to help him out, but this young man was ready not only to gently guide Reuben, but also just really seemed to enjoy Reuben's company. He was the one who, when Reuben was too nervous to go stand at the front of the class when it was his turn, jumped up to the microphone himself and called, "Come on Reuben! You can do it. Come up here with me." And though I had to carry Reuben up there, once he was standing by Graeme, it was enough for him to be able to do his thing.

When I got the email from Graeme's mom a few weeks ago saying Graeme was hoping to get togther with Reuben, I have to admit I was pretty nervous! I wasn't sure how much Graeme had explained to his mom about Reuben...or even what Graeme's impressions of Reuben were!

I also know that Reuben can be rather unpredictable. (What if the day we ended up getting together was one of his bad seizure days? Or one of the days when his behavioral challenges flare up? We try to keep him home from school on those days, so that would be a side of him that Graeme had not seen...) But I also know that Reuben's people are so very important to him, so decided it was worth a try.

So, with a mix of trepidation and excitement (on my part, not hers!), we set up a date close to both of their birthdays for the boys to play for a while, and his mom offered to bring two individual size birthday cakes, knowing that Reuben loves to blow out candles.

The afternoon was a blast! The boys played with Reuben's marble run for a very long time, then transitioned to cake.

Reuben was almost shell-shocked with the delight of candles! and singing! and balloons! And in true Reuben fashion, the candles and singing were as important or more than eating the cake. So, while the rest of us ate cake, Reuben continued adding candles, and we ended up singing to the boys a few more times.

Reuben's cake on the left (chocolate with strawberry filling), and Graeme's on the right (vanilla with mango)

The boys played a while longer until it became obvious that Reuben was losing his rhythm and needed some down time, but Graeme and his mom left with tentative plans to try for another date in August.

It fills my heart with joy to know there are young people like Graeme in Reuben's life. We love him dearly, and can see past the awkwardness of his differences to the precious things about his character that make him the lovable person that he is, and he has many adults in his life, too, who know first-hand what a delightful person Reuben is, but to see an elementary kid - one of Reuben's age mates who gets it - who can see the person through the outward appearances, is a pretty cool thing.

*"Today" ended up being five days later than today, because that's how long it takes to get the post done!