This boy

It's about time we shared a tiny bit about what Krassimir's been up to lately. The things going on in his life aren't anything dramatic or sudden, but with the passage of time, we are seeing beautiful incremental things growing in this oldest son of ours.

Probably my favorite is the way his affectionate side has begun to blossom over the last year, and particularly the last six months. That boy, who, for so many years would resist any sort of affection from me and Matt, is not only beginning to seek it out sometimes (I think I've written in the last few months about the delight of having him crawl across the floor to where I am and pull himself across my lap), but when I sit down for no other purpose but to be with him, he just soaks it up - smiles, happy gurgly sounds of delight - he actually LIKES it!

This is such a big deal, and such a beautiful gift. I wrote a year and a half ago about the differences between the "natural" love that flows for the children I've given birth to in contrast to the sometimes "unnatural" love that I experience towards the children (child singular at that time) that we have adopted. Part of my conclusion is similar to my thoughts about food. There's nothing inherently wholesome about something just because it is "natural." There are plenty of natural things that are simply disgusting (dirty diapers!) or downright toxic (snake venom of some sort comes to mind!) Just because something is "natural" doesn't mean it's good for you!

In a similar way, many of our own natural tendencies are equally deceptive. Some things that come naturally are good; some of them are not. It is very natural to love the people who provide us with positive feedback for that investment. When that feedback isn't there, or is in fact counter-productive, the love has to come from something other than our natural instincts. Much of the loving of this boy of ours has come in an un-natural way.

I find it delightful that in a season when Matt and I have been stretched with our physical endurance, our mental patience, our emotional steadiness through many challenges that have come through the challenges that our particular version of family brings to us, God has chosen to give us the gift of smiles and laughter from this boy in response to our loving on him!! After so many months at the beginning of any affectionate gestures from me resulting in racking sobs and desperate pushing away on his part, transitioning over time to neutrality, to now know that if I sit down next to him to talk with him or rub his back that he will be delighted by it is really a precious thing.