Addition snapshot(s)

Despite (or perhaps because of??) not having time to sit down and post about it, there has been work progressing on the addition.

Matt and Owen got the wall tile up in grandma's bathroom last Thursday. (Reuben was just traveling with the photographer!)

Oops.

See that nice detail at the top of the tile? The wood trim band that wraps the mirror, and acts as a support for the shelves on either side of the mirror? Yes. That one. We had this figured out in the interior model way back so we could be sure to put the electrical outlet we wanted on that wall high enough that it would clear the shelf.

But did we remember to double check out heights when installing the backerboard for the tile? Nope. Just put in the full height of the sheet...Then Matt was wondering how he was short tile and why he had to run out for another box before being able to finish this last corner.

Yep. One more row of tile than we'd planned means the original box (on the top) is not high enough to clear, but will actually be mostly behind the wood trim band. That won't work so well! So what you're seeing in this series of photos is Matt's solution - put in a new retrofit box, be grateful that the wiring came from below and not above so there's plenty to pull down and fit into the new box. There. Good as new. And the trim and the 3/4" of shelf should be just enough to cover up the abandoned box!

There! Completed tile, and last Saturday Matt's brother came over to help grout it, and yesterday Matt caulked everything except the bathtub.

On Monday when Reuben's "buddy" was here for the morning, the big girls and I put rosin paper down on all the concrete floors of the main level and office/entry so now we're ready to keep painting.

And even though this isn't the best quality photo, it still captures Krassi's delight at being out on the concrete floors which he hasn't been able to be down on for quite a while because they've been so messy with sheet rock mud and dust!

Tomorrow my parents come into town and we have a lot planned for the 48 hours that they'll be here. I spent the evening (when I wasn't holding a not-sleeping Evania!) carrying light fixtures up from the existing basement so they can hit the ground running tomorrow. ;) This weekend should result in some more good photos and hopefully significant updates on the work!

Happy Birthday!!!

 I had beautiful plans to write a nice long post reflecting on how Krassi's doing and what he's been learning, and just "what Krassi's up to at 10 years old." But apparently that's not going to happen in time for his birthday (which was two days ago), so instead I'll just share some photos of the birthday boy sitting in his old wagon while we work on assembling his new wagon. He was delighted that he was able to hold the wagon slats! which is something he can't typically do when he's in the wagon because he needs them all there so he doesn't tip himself out!

Rinnah just kept unloading the new ones and giving them to Krassi until he had all six of them in with him.

Maybe later this week I'll get a chance to write that post. ;)

Concrete floors

As I mentioned a few posts ago, last week was the week for the concrete floors to be finished! How wonderful it felt to have people working here every day, first grinding with a large floor grinding machine, then moving to a smaller hand-held tool to get the edges and corners, and then even a tiny detailer around the inlay of the slice of the maple tree:

When they were done with just the grinding, the floors already looked amazingly better than just raw concrete! (And that's not just because we got all the construction junk cleaned out!)

By Friday, they had stained once, then twice, and applied the sealer, so this is what we see when we look out there now! Looks like a real floor! It's not super clear in the photo, but there is a lovely mottling to the color that's caused by a natural reaction between the acid stain and the soupy part of the concrete. Lots of fun, and the color is comparable to the mid-tone oak floors in the original part of the house. (The tree slice that Leah's standing by still needs a little bit of work, and still has plastic taped over it...)

So, we're running high last week - things are moving, and seemingly quickly! After all, when do you EVER have a contractor come and take a look on a Friday and be mobilized to start on Monday? (Felt a little differently about the rain this year than we did a year ago! This time around it pushed our schedule forward a bit!)

And then Sunday rolled around. And Matt went out to put screen on in the basement so we can better air it out (the sealer STINKS!) and...realized...that someone working on the house last week unplugged the sump pump.

Gulp.

That sump pump is a critical piece of the keeping-water-out-of-the-house system! And, sure enough, when Matt check in the sump basket, the water was 4" below the rim, which means it was 2" above the tops of the footings. Which means it's over the bottom plate of our wood foundation walls. Yuck.

That's why you use treated lumber, AND why Matt decided rather last minute to use fiberglass batt insulation in the basement walls instead of blown-in cellulose. And wow are we ever glad we made that change! Because fiberglass gets wet, but it will dry (after Matt removes the lower panels of (thankfully not yet taped and mudded!) sheet rock and slices open the vapor barrier).

Deep breath.

And so grateful for what we went over in Sunday School just that morning (before we knew what was going on down in the basement!). For some reason what we were talking about that morning (Exodus chapter 14) was hitting me such that I was jotting crib notes down on a scrap of paper of things I wanted to talk about with Matt about later in the day. Without any commentary, here are a few of the notes I had scribbled on my pink scrap of paper:

God deliberately puts us in situations that will bring trouble (camp @ Red Sea) so that he can display his glory to 1) us and 2) others as he delivers. (Another reason to rejoice in our suffering!)

dry ground  1) God doesn't just move "enough" water, but all of the water and 2) dry means that chariots can/will follow

When Sunday evening came and Matt came back from the addition with news about the water, it was so good to be able to read these (and a few other) reminders. It even made me smile right then and there that the situation in Exodus dealt with water just like we were dealing with water. Being reminded of both the way God is so complete in what he does - he's not a God of "just enough to squeak by" - and the way that he deliberately brings things into our lives that are difficult because he's interested in showing us how incredible he is helps us keep our focus on him and not on the problems that arise.

Isn't he good??



P.S. on Wednesday when I'm finally getting this post wrapped up to publish - Matt's talked with the concrete finishing people, and has opened up a few spots in the basement, and so far, it doesn't look as bad as we were expecting. Either the place he could see on Sunday was the worst spot, or else it's already drying out through the "smart" vapor barrier we used (which is supposed to let some water vapor pass back and forth. I don't quite get it), but whatever the reason, all we could see in the places he looked was signs of water wicked up the outer plywood. We're going to let it sit a few days and then check a few more places as well as the places he's opened up, and we'll make a decision there about what more he does or doesn't have to do...

Eye contact

Having a newborn in the house makes me vividly aware of the emptiness that was Krassi's life for so many years, and the effects of that emptiness are made more apparent as I see Evania and Krassi together.

Take eye contact, for instance.

Evania and I enjoy looking at each other and talking and cooing and smiling together. She is so very deliberate about it - I love it! And she's good at it. One evening when she was having trouble settling down I put her into the baby carrier and we took a mile and a half walk in the neighborhood. Her eyes were glued to mine until just before the half way point of the walk! Thankfully it was a quiet night and I know my route well, so I was able to just keep staring into those beautiful blue eyes with only momentary interruptions to watch what my feet were doing. ;)

My appreciation for her abilities in this area are in direct contrast to Krassi's abilities. When he first came home, I would attempt to make eye contact with him at "safe" times, and it was more than he was capable of returning - he would avert his eyes, looking at anything but me. A few months ago when he had his eye exam I remember the eye doctor commenting on how Krassi made good eye contact. I was surprised - he doesn't do this with me. Even at that point I wondered if he somehow felt it was safer to do that with strangers than with someone who is so intimately involved in his every day life.

Over the last weeks, Krassi and I have started occasionally playing a "game" where I will sit near him holding his head gently in my hands to help him face me, and I will playfully ask him, "Where's your mama? Where's Krassi's mama? Can you find Mama with your eyes?" He will smile, and avoid, avoid, avoid, and then ~flash~ for one moment he will look at me and then it's over, but I praise him all up and snuggle him, and his body language communicates that he enjoys it.

But making eye contact with his mother is WAY more intense than he is comfortable with right now!

But he's trying! And he now appears to enjoy the game instead of being distressed by it as he was when he first came home. And the best of all is that periodically throughout the day when we are farther apart from each other (close enough to see clearly, but not close enough to touch physically), he will find my eyes and hold them with his for even up to five seconds.

It's not much, and Evania blows him out of the water, but he's learning!

It brings me to tears thinking about what my boy missed out on, and how little it would have taken, had anyone cared to share a smile and a few words ("How you doing, wittle man? Ohh, aren't you sweet!") and a look in the moments they were passing by.

Parenting

Parenting is full of moment-by-moment decisions and judgement calls.

Parenting a child like Krassi brings in all sorts of variable that make the challenge of parenting even more...interesting.

Take Saturday, for example. Krassi was doing quite a bit of whimpering. It's important to remember that he has no verbal skills at all, and so far, all of our attempts to help him sign or use other methods of communication have not been successful. He's only been in formal speech therapy for two months, but we still base all of our "communication" with him on essentially five different types of sounds:

• laughter - when things are really good
• mild, low key content shrieking - excited about something
• vowels with a rise and a fall - what I consider "casual conversation"
• whimpering - something's not right
• body-wracking sobs - the world is falling to pieces 

There's not many shades of gray between these. This is pretty much what we get.

So Saturday was whimpering - something wasn't right. So I run through the possibilities (context and the growing history we have with him are hugely helpful.)

1. does he want the green bear that he can't have because someone else is playing with it?
2. is he constipated?
3. is not getting the green bear causing memories to surface from his past - feelings of loss?
4. something that is beyond the scope of my imagination?

And, of course, each one of these four possibilities requires a very different approach from a reasonable parent.

1. "Buck up, kid! Here, play with any of of these [dozen] stuffed animals that you CAN have."
2. up the miralax for a few days
3. snuggles and an open ear
4. who knows???

So, what he got was some form of

      5. All of the above. "Buck up, kid. Here, have some miralax while I snuggle you (which you're not super into) and speak soothingly to you and tickle you a bit while making funny faces."

I take comfort in taking a long view - I may not hit this one right, but hopefully this coupled with my presence tomorrow and the next day and the next will work together to this little boy's advantage. ;)

Just for fun

I suppose I could pretend this was a "house progress" photo since you can see the back of the addition in it, but really, it's just an excuse to share a cute one of Rinnah holding peonies. She's standing in our (completely empty of vegetables) vegetable garden next to the raised beds that are temporarily holding perennials displaced by the addition project. I'm hoping over the course of the summer to relocate these to permanent homes around the new addition.

losing a "brother"

In many ways, the children that grew up with Krassi in the Pleven orphanage in Bulgaria seem like his brothers and sisters in that they grew up with the same care, in the same building, and have a shared history.

We were so sad to hear that a few days ago little seven-year-old Adam, who Matt and I have met in person, died even after access to state-of-the-art medical care was not able to do enough to remedy the effects of neglect and years of untreated hydrocephalus.

He had been home with his mommy and daddy and brother and sisters for just a few weeks longer than Krassi has been home - less than a year.

Tiny little Adam was wearing size 9 month clothing when we met him last March (2013) when we were meeting Krassi for the first time during the same week that Adam's mom and grandpa were spending their first visit with him. We all played together in the ball structure just a few feet away from each other every morning and afternoon. He was weeks away from his sixth birthday at that time, and had just had his first shunt surgery a few months prior. It was easy to see how much his mama and his "Poppy" (grandpa) delighted in him, and he seemed to really enjoy their company, too. I've been in touch with his family since he's come home, and he was growing so much and accomplishing so much (and loved on SO much!) before the trauma to his brain caught up with him.

And yet, in so many ways, his story sums up for me what adoption is about - his parents spent thousands and thousands of dollars to bring him home, and then to pay for his medical care, have invested countless hours both before and after he was home, not to mention the emotional investment, and now, less than a year later, he's gone. And for what? Was it worth it?

But what a difference. That little boy did not just die in his crib in the middle of the night and life moved on the next day. Oh my, no. That little boy lived the rest of his life surrounded by people who loved him! And it thrills me that it was someone's SON who died because that means he will not be forgotten. He belonged to someone.

And he was worth it - worth the cost, worth the pain, worth pouring love into with nothing but memories in return.

Just like God has done for us - helpless, worthless without him to give us worth.

But my heart still aches for them as they mourn the loss of their little boy.