Set free

There are so many points along the way in the adoption process that feel like they're significant. Sending in those commitment papers is an obvious one, but still rather benign - you can still back out (remembering that three families before us went as far as committing to Tsvetomira, but not a single one got beyond that!) There's the day you first meet your new child, flesh and blood - face to face - and suddenly there's an all around real person to the face and personality you've been envisioning and imagining. There's that wonderful day when the courts declare you to be legally the parents of your new daughters!!! They're really yours.

But then again, they're not. On paper it's real, but their lives still continue just as normal. They woke up the next morning in the same old room, with the same old routine that did NOT include a hug or kiss from mommy or dad, or the sounds of your very own brothers and sisters waking up along with you. It's just all...the same.

And then there's the day that you get to walk back into that place where you first met them, but this time you're not walking in for a visit, only to leave them behind, but only togetherness, and there are goodbyes, yes, (particularly there will be for Bogomila! Everything she's ever known, everyone she's known, her language, her culture, her foods - for even though we will do our best to incorporate those aspects of who she is into our family's life, it's not ever going to be the same as it was. And for Bogomila, it will be right for her to grieve - she has good things that she's leaving behind. One thing we admire about our strong daughter is her ability to look forward without fear of the unknown!!) but the goodbyes are nothing in comparison to the future that will open up before both of them as they live the rest of their lives as part of the interconnected web of a family!

I am very grateful that we are picking Bogomila up first. Because we are uncertain how Tsvetomira will handle the transitions, it's very likely that much of my time and energy will be absorbed by her once she is in our care, so for that wonderful first hour, I will be able to invest myself fully in my Bogomila, my oldest daughter, be with her as she packs up her belongings, says her goodbyes, and then goes out that door surrounded by her mother, her sister, her grandfather, and drives off forever as a beloved daughter - part of a family.

And then on to Tsvetomira. I hope she remembers my voice. I am so anxious to take her gently in my arms and whisper in her ear that her mama's here, and she's never going to be alone again.

Bogomila's group home from our visit in September

Tsvetomira's "Baby house"

It's easy to look at the above two photos and say that one is "good" and one is "bad" but they're really more similar than anything else - neither one of them, whether bright and cheerful or imposing and gloomy, is a home. And we don't need to be a perfect family (thankfully!) or have a perfect home (once again, thankfully! - I hear Matt and Owen got more sheetrock up on Saturday, though!) to bring these girls out of these institutions and into our family and our home, and our hearts.

Onward! Tomorrow is the day when they will be set free!!!