Matt and I have at various times in our life together mused over what it means that humankind is created in the image of God. I don't at all think that he and I have that all figured out, but I do think that part of what that means is that in some way, each one of us reflects a little bit of what God is like, and that that reflection is completely independent of what we know or believe about God.
[A side note - one night in particular that sticks out to me on this topic happened when Leah was 3 or 4 and Owen was 5 or 6. I was commenting to Matt about the incredible sense of care and compassion that Leah has towards others, and her wonderful capacity for forgiveness, and how those qualities made me think that that's part of what it means for her to be made in God's image. Then, to be fair, I asked Matt what he thought about Owen (who was going through quite a snarky year at the time). Matt paused thoughtfully for a moment, and came back with this: "Well, Owen thinks he's king of the universe!" Well, yes, but not quite what I was looking for!]
Back to my story - I'm not much of a crier, but there's nothing like being pregnant in the midst of a highly emotional transition in your family to create a ripe environment for tears. I think I've cried more from mid-November to mid-December than I have in the five years previous, and I don't know that I'm exaggerating. Two weeks ago yesterday I was silently crying in bed in the morning shortly before it was time to get up and get going for the day. Both Matt and Reuben were in the bed, too (which is typical. Reuben's been sleeping much later than he has for most of his life over the last few months, but he's still up before any of the rest of us are ready to get going for the day, so if he comes in with us, we can squeeze in a little more restful time.) Reuben noticed right away that I was crying. He is, and always has been, highly sensitive to other people's emotions.
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| Hey, cutie. ;) This photo of Reuben (which has nothing to do with this post except that it's a photo of Reuben!) is noteworthy because he is sitting down to color!!! And he sat long enough to color every box!!! This is nearly unheard of for Reuben. (Kelsey, if you read this, I think this is in part evidence of your work with him paying off!!) |
I remember a time visiting my parents' church when Reuben was about 3 months old (back when he was still a "normal" child for all anyone knew) and being struck by how very socially aware he was. He was happily being held by many different people, and was attending to and responding to their conversation with him and others in a way that seemed way beyond his years (months?) I wasn't the only one to notice this, and in the months following, noticed in many ways that Reuben seemed to have a very high emotional IQ. In following years this developed in a not-so-pleasant way as Reuben had a tendency to go over and smack any of his siblings who were crying, regardless of the reason for their tears. Looking back now, I believe that response was simply because his sympathetic connection to other's emotions was so much stronger than it is for most of us that he simply could not handle hearing their distress.
He has recently been learning more empathetic ways of dealing with others' emotions, and on the morning when I was crying, he noticed right away (Matt was oblivious. Remember, these were silent tears!) Reuben, who for those of you who don't know him is essentially non-verbal, came right next to me, gently touched my face, and made his little sad face with an, "ohhhh." Matt was still oblivious (and though, at the moment, that irked me, and is the reason why I knew I couldn't post about this that night! looking back, I think it says more about Reuben's emotional intuition than it does anything negative about Matt.) That was the moment when Matt got up, walked over to the door, and said, "I should really go down and get the oatmeal started." Reuben stayed by me for another minute, and then climbed down off the bed, went over to his bookshelf, and pulled down a book that he likes entitled "Just the way I am: God's good design in disability." He plopped it onto the bed and flipped through the pages until he came to the one with a photo of a sad boy. He pointed to the boy, made his sad face, and said, "ohhhh." I looked at the text on the opposite page.
Even when I am sad and hurting, God is with me.
"Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed. For I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Oof. There goes all the wind of my self-pity sails. I sat there in a mix of emotions between dwelling on the very real presence of God, and awe at the incredible clarity with which my cognitively delayed four year old was able to read my emotions and attend to them in a very direct manner.
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After writing most of this last night, we saw some new-ish friends this morning who also have a child with CP with some pretty significant delays. My friend was sharing with me some of the simple things that bring incredible joy to her six-year-old daughter - things that most of us are completely oblivious to like ceiling fans, or certain pavement rumble patterns while driving, or shades going up and down. She commented that she wonders sometimes if it's less that her daughter is hyper-sensitive to these sorts of things and more that those of us who are "normal" actually have a dulled ability to experience pleasure in the most simple, mundane things of life. Like Matt being oblivious to my tears, am I oblivious to things around me that I would benefit from having a heightened awareness of?
These two examples make it so evident to me that there is so much more to a person than we can measure. A person's value comes from something much deeper than what they are able to achieve or contribute to society. Each one of us is "fearfully and wonderfully made." And perhaps, the more time we who are "normal" spend with these people we would like to classify as having "special needs" we may realize that, yes, there are some needs that are glaringly obvious and above and beyond what is "normal" but hopefully will also have eyes to see beyond that to the ways that these people are also a reflection of what God is like, made in His image, and perhaps in ways that we do not possess ourselves.
And thank you, my Reuben, for caring for your mommy and speaking the truth to me without needing to be able to use any words.
I read this article recently and one of the things I thought of while doing so was your many mentions of Reu's heightened emotional capacities. It's not that I think he has autism, he's got other explanations for things, but I thought the discussion in the article of some of the neurological studies that have been done were interesting.
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