Physical progress

Look how I caught Krassi not just once, but a few times today!

His legs are SO relaxed! Although we still see plenty of scissoring, it's pretty neat to also periodically see him in a position like this all on his own. It's obvious that regular physical therapy, and the attempts at stretching that I do with him throughout the day are making a difference, but as I look at this picture, I can tell it's more than physical - he keeps showing signs of being increasingly comfortable in his environment, as though little by little he's learning what it means to have a home.

A few nights ago in the late evening I heard him grinding his teeth. This was a very regular occurrence when he first came home, and has gradually lessened. It's been a while since I've heard it from him. I tried something that night inspired by something my mom shared with me back when Leah was potty training about verbal suggestion while sleeping (in particular, talking "dry thoughts" out loud to your sleeping child has the potential to help them stay dry through the night.) Who knows if it made a difference in potty training, but I've held onto the idea that even while sleeping our brains can be aware of our surroundings, and often when I'm in looking at my sleeping children before turning in myself, I will speak my thoughts out loud to them. "I love you so much. I hope you sleep well. I look forward to spending the day with you tomorrow." I decided to try this with Krassi, so, without waking him, I gently touched his jaw where the grinding focuses, and softly told him, "You're okay, Krassi. You're home with Mommy and Daddy and we love you so much. You don't have to be afraid. We're going to take care of you. You are so loved. Mommy is so glad that you are finally home with us, with your family, where you belong..."

And...the grinding...stopped.

And, at least for as long as I was still up and about that night, it didn't start again.

~~~

The photo above brought my mind back to a photo we were given of Krassi the day we first arrived in Sofia on our trip to meet him in March 2013. We were given the original, but later in the week after paperwork got sorted around to the appropriate offices, we were left with only a copy.

I wish I had photographed the original, but did not know at the time it would be something we didn't get to keep until it was too late.

As far as I can tell, this photograph is from 2009, so when Krassimir was 5 years old.

My stomach turns every time I see this picture of my son. He looks so tiny, so helpless, so terrified as he's held there like a specimen to be documented instead of a little boy to be loved and cared for. It reminds me of how little I know about him, and about his past, about his memories. What was his life like before we knew him? It makes a simply photo of him laying on the floor now mean so much more.