Ups and Downs

Yesterday I hit one of those incredible points where you're just going about life as normal, but feel like you're on top of the world. I was so utterly delighted with my situation that I had to pause to snap a few photos to capture it and be able to share it!

And now it's today, and I have some time now to post the photos and as I ran out the door to pick Leah up from church earlier this evening (3 minutes after I was supposed to be there and I still had an errand to run on the way), I had to laugh at how quickly 24 hours can change things.

So, yesterday.

Make of it what you will that the pinnacle of my "on it" day was making supper, because, really, it hardly gets more mundane than that! Particularly because we weren't even having anything exciting: pasta and sauce. But looking down and seeing this little person sitting up so straight and tall looking up at me with that huge grin on one side:

And on the other side, is this little guy smiling up at me as he happily puts onion into the pot One. Tiny. Piece. At. A. Time. filled up this mommy's heart with indescribable joy.

Top it off with this little face...

...and I could have exploded with happiness and the feeling that I was exactly where I was meant to be doing exactly what I was created for. (After all, doesn't any child asking to eat fresh veggies make a mother's heart sing?)

So I'm grateful for days like today when there isn't really anything particularly bad that I can put my finger on to explain why I don't feel like I'm on top of my game today, because it reminded me of something very important.

The way I feel is not what determines whether I'm doing the right thing or not. The way I feel is not the indicator of whether or not I'm doing what I was created to do.

B and T's adoption process has been rather devoid of (noticeable) action which leaves plenty of room for feelings. I've had many days when I am practically giddy with excitement about our two new daughters - seeing T's little photo on the refrigerator and wishing I could snuggle up with her in the rocking chair, or thinking about how excited B will be when she gets told that there is a family coming for her and hardly being able to contain my anticipation of opening up a life for her where her disability is a minor inconvenience rather than a sentence to a mental institution. I am SO excited to see her life unfold after she comes home! But there have also been days (which, I must add, were heavily in the days when Gloria was roughly 4-7 weeks old - days that anyone who's ever been a new parent before knows are the toughest ones where you feel like you'll never get anything done ever again, or even get your own head put on straight ever again), and one some of those days I remember thinking, This feels like the dumbest thing we could possibly think of doing! On some of those days, and I'm laughing recalling this, Matt and I both will look at each other and be thinking at the same time, "What if B meets us and decides she'd rather take her chances with the mental institution?" After all, who in their right mind would choose to live in this crazy household?

So, time to step away from feelings, because feelings can be deceptive. The truth of the matter is Matt and I are both fully convinced that we are living the life God has laid out for us, whether it's a day when we feel that way or a day when we're ready to crawl under the covers and stick our heads under the pillows.

And when my feelings are lined up with that truth, I can fully embrace them and enjoy the ride. And when they're not, then it's the time to take every thought captive and press forward toward the prize set before us.

Onward!