Matt's thoughts as we prepare to go home

In John 7, and numerous other places, Jesus says “My time has not yet fully come”. This statement of Jesus has run through my mind at many times during this adoption process and is once again rumbling in my head as we struggle with leaving K behind for months before we can come back to get him.

It was exactly one year ago when Andrea and I felt God telling us that we had talked long enough about this adoption thing and it was time for us to start walking down that road. So we started by contacting a few adoption agencies to start gathering information and begin the paperwork.

As the process continued, we have seen God's hand in the timing, as Andrea has written some about in previous entries. After the paperwork was in process, the discussion of the “first trip” began to come up and we were always figuring based on the typical timing of the paperwork process that we would be traveling sometime in early April. However, Andrea kept saying that she thought we would end up traveling the end of March, but it just didn't seem like that would be possible.

We knew that Andrea's mom was going to staying with our kids while were gone and we knew that she was going to be unable to stay with them the first 2 weeks of April because of prior arrangements and we really did not want to have to push out our trip until the end of April.

On March 7^th, we got our verbal approval for travel and were told it would be up to 2 weeks before we would get written approval and could make travel arrangements. Doing the math it seemed very unlikely that we would be traveling in March, but Andrea kept commenting that she thought we would be traveling in March.

On March 13, less than a week later, we got an email with the written approval asking if we could travel March 23-30. We made a number of contacts to make sure we could get this to work.
There were 3 things that were potential reasons in our minds not to travel on those dates. 1) Leah's birthday is March 31 and we had already scheduled her family birthday party on March 30^th and our plane would not be back in time. 2) I was going to be playing my cello in the Good Friday service at our church and this was something I had done the previous year and had really found to be a blessing to me and I was excited to get to be a part of it again this year...not to mention that Andrea's parents would be in town for Leah's party and were going to get to come to the service as well. 3) I do maple syruping and this year has been an odd year. Typically the month of March is when you get the most flow and do the boiling. However, this year has been colder and there has been little flow and as I checked the 30 day weather forecast, the last week of March was projecting temps that were ideal for sap flow.

We talked with Leah about missing her party and she decided that it was more important to her that we get to see K sooner and bring him home sooner than for us to be at her party. She has been saying for months that she wanted K for her birthday gift, but we knew that would not possible, but she chose to have us go to visit him for her birthday. That is a BIG thing for a not quite 6 year old to do!

I also recognized that the other two reasons for not traveling March 23-30 were selfish reasons on my part and I could not justify postponing the trip by a month because I wanted to do my maple syrup and play my cello. So we said yes to the travel dates and started the whirlwind process of getting ready to go.

It was as we booked tickets and got our final schedule that I fully realized the significance of the travel dates. It was exactly 1 year after we started the process. It would be on Good Friday that we would have our last visit with K. It would be Easter morning, resurrection Sunday, we we board our plane to come home. K's name means “resurrection of peace”. This is no coincidence.

We first saw K's photo on a blog written by a mom who had adopted from his orphanage. We had no idea how long he had been listed for adoption when we decided to inquire about him. We knew that he had been listed 3 times in his own country and had been rejected three times. In K's country, they do not allow children to be listed for international adoption unless they have been turned down for domestic adoption 3 times. This week we found out, in conversation with one of the other families that we traveled with, that K had been listed on and off for nearly a year and a half. It seems crazy to us that no one would have chosen to pursue his adoption during that time. Then this morning as I was laying in bed before getting up and thinking about God's timing, it made sense...

One of the scripture passages that my dad wanted to have be a part of his funeral is Psalm 139. This is a chapter that has been an important one in my life and in the events that surround Reuben's diagnosis of epilepsy and Ring 20 Chromosome.

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

Weeks before I knew what my dad wanted to have said at his funeral, but when we already knew that he was not going to be here much longer, I wrote him a letter and this is where I started:

“From the time that we first found out about your cancer up to the present time, I have found comfort and peace in knowing that God is sovereign. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. Not cancer, not back pain, not Ring 20 syndrome. Psalm 139 tells us that “In Your book are written, every one of them, the days ordained for me, when as yet there were none of them.” Even before any one of us came into existence in this world, God knew everything about us and the things that would take place in our lives. These are all things that He has designed and planned to bring about and accomplish His purposes and to bring glory to His name. “

I was not planning to write about this, but this is where I ended up going and I just happen to have the letter I wrote to him with me here in K's country because I typed on my laptop last June. Below is another excerpt of what I had to say to my father as I faced the reality that I was going to be losing him soon.

“None of us knows the days that are written for any of us, but we do know that you cancer is progressing and that options for medical treatment are few. It is hard to see the man that I have known all my life as Dad getting weaker and being in so much pain. It is difficult to think about the days that lie ahead when I won't be able to “ask Dad” when there are questions that I have and when my children no longer have a Papa to get excited about seeing. Nonetheless, I thank you for the ways that you have shown me how to live and also for the past several years how you have been showing me how to live while dying.”

As I contemplated the death of my dad and as I experienced and still grieve over the loss of my dad, I KNOW how important a Dad is. In my letter, I also talked about how Andrea and I were planning to adopt, but didn't know exactly when or how. But God knew. He knew when K was still in his mother's womb that we would travel on March 23-30, 2013 and He knows when we will travel again. He knew that K was going to have a dad. K was on that adoption website for that long because that was how long God chose to have him there. In John 17, as Jesus approaches his crucifixion, he says “the hour has come”.

There is a set time that God has established for everything and we rest in the peace of that knowledge knowing that as tough as it is to leave K here this time, the time has not yet fully come, but the hour will come when it is time to bring him home.