On one of the last nights of Mira's [initial] stay at Gillette, I was home for supper/bedtime as Matt and I had taken to doing to try to give some sense of normalcy to Bogomila (who didn't yet know what normal was) and the others (who do, and knew that things were definitely not normal!)
As we finished supper, and most of the children disappeared from the table, Matt gave me the update on Bogomila's physical therapy session that morning. (By the way, how marvelous is it that she'd been home just over a week, and had already had her second PT visit!!)
His news was so good, and yet it was devastating to me at the same time. First, the news: Lori, Krassimir and Bogomila's physical therapist, thinks that it's within the range of possible [important to not read more into that than what is there - it's also possible that this won't be the case, but still...] that Bogomila could be walking within two to three years.
Did you read that? Walking!!!
And, to clarify, she's not talking about walking with a walker, or with crutches, but just plain old two-feet, two-legs walking.
She will likely not be able to go on long hikes, and her chair will still be a regular part of her routine, but it's possible that she could use her chair to come into the house, and be able to get around at home just by walking. Or she could go to the library, and leave her chair by the coats, and walk around to get what she wants. Fatigue, not ability, will be her limiting factor.
Can you believe that! We are SO excited for her. On our last Skype call with her before we left for the pick up trip, one of the very last things she told us is that she wants to start physical therapy right away because she wants to be able to walk. So we did. And it looks very possible that she may.
And yet, does hearing that raise the same sort of just-not-okay in your very core that it does in mine? My response was immediate, unstoppable tears.
Can you imagine what would have been possible for her had someone begun working with her a year ago? Five years, ten years ago??? Cerebral palsy, although not a progressive disease, does have progressive consequences when not addressed appropriately. Oh, what time has robbed from her!
And time.
Time.
We got her in time. Every country is different. In Bulgaria, a child's I800-A has to be submitted to the US immigration office before the child's sixteenth birthday. We made that deadline with about six months to spare. No problem.
What if we hadn't? Well, her celebration of her sixteenth birthday would have sealed her fate. At eighteen, the children age out of the government-run institutions. Although it is possible to have a five year window of a sort of grace period, once that runs out, every one of these children who is unable to make it on their own is moved to an adult mental institution.
And how, I will ask you, is ANY child who is alone in the world, no family, no friends on the "outside," going to make it in a society that has no place for disabilities? A person in a wheelchair in Bulgaria is completely dependent on the assistance of others to be able to go about their daily life. There have been enough changes in the United States over the last decades that, although there are still inequalities, it is possible for someone to live independently in a wheelchair. There are transportation options, there are housing options, there are shopping options, there are job opportunities, curb cuts at most intersections, automatic doors on many buildings, and wide enough aisles at the grocery store. Sure, there are some things you still just can't do, but you can live.
That's not an option for these children, nor for those in many other countries with a similar lack of infrastructure and a general lack of acceptance of different abilities.
The cycle is painful - at birth, the parents of any child with a disability are counseled, usually by those in the medical profession, to give up their parental rights and have their child placed in an institution. There is no future for such children, they are told. Because those children are hidden away, there is no pressing need to make the elements of daily life accessible to people like them. Because everyone believes they will never amount to anything, no one invests in them, and guess what - they never amount to anything! The professionals believe that their original determinations were validated, and so the cycle repeats and repeats and repeats.
I've heard criticisms of international adoption saying that the very existence of international adoption helps to propagate the cycle. It becomes financially beneficial to have foreigners coming in and spending money during the adoption process - hotels, souveniers, restaurants, jobs for the translators, the legal people, etc, etc. True or not, I'm still faced with the fact that while with time and external (and internal) pressure, it is possible for a society to change, there are children RIGHT NOW who do not have the luxury of waiting!! How long does it take for things to change? Ten years? Fifty years? Certainly more than 6 months.
How many more lives are being slowly thrown away as time keeps marching on?
This is one of the many good-bye photos we took before swooping up our Bogomila and driving her away to live with her forever family.
Bogomila told us that first week while we were still in Sofia that she wanted to buy a red watch to send to her roommate. A nice one, with extra batteries, since the ones she has in Bulgaria always seem to stop working. It is a very sweet gesture, but to me feels like a band-aid on the papercut of a person whose three other limbs have just been severed by a chainsaw.
Forget the paper cut! We need to stop the bleeding!!!!!!! But we can't. It's too late. We can't.
It's too late.
Matt and I were both crying over her that night after supper. Isn't there any way? She's over eighteen, she could make her own choices, right?...what if we paid her way? She could live with us until she could get her feet under her. She wouldn't be our daughter, but we could find a place for her!! Could we help her find her way to a life here? Her life is at stake!!!
But I don't believe there's anything we can do.
What are the chances of her actually getting issued a visa? And while the process of US citizenship is pretty easy for a child who is adopted by a U.S. family, it's not so simple otherwise. I don't even really have any idea what something like that would all entail.
All I know is that her time has run out. She is too old to become part of a family, and within a few years she will be placed in an adult mental institution where her physical handicap will likely render her life a very short one. In a survival of the fittest/strongest atmosphere, her intellectual capacity, sufficient as it is for every day life, is not likely going to be enough to keep her alive.
I know less about the young man on Bogomila's other side. I know that he's cheerful, easy going, and had his camera all ready for some last pictures. His speech is somewhat slurred, but the Bulgarian speakers around him don't have trouble understanding what he wants. His sweet smile is engaging and contagious...
How long does he have? Does he even have any time left?? Does he even have the paperwork that makes him eligible for adoption? I don't know.*
But I do know that there are many others who ARE ready. Who are waiting. Whose lives are slowly ticking away, every day, every hour that much closer to it being too late. That many more opportunities are being lost forever as time and nothingness strip away the potential that is locked up inside each and every one.
We spent the first few weeks after Bogomila arrived home shopping for little presents not only for her roommate, but for every other person living there. Each gift so unique - the young man in the photo above likes to read, so we found a Bulgarian copy of Around the World in Eighty Days for him. Another girl likes music, so she picked out a stuffed animal with a wind up music box inside. One younger boy got a toy car; another friend got a flash drive. These are real people! Not just faces or files, not just generic "orphans." Each one a real, unique person with the same real need to be loved and cared for that anyone else in the world has. Each one a person who has lost any chance they had of being a treasured part of a family.
I don't believe it is right for me to tell all of you reading that you need to get going and adopt a child (children??) because I do not believe there is a global Biblical command to adopt. Adoption is just one way to "care for the orphan." But it is absolutely, by far the best and most complete way to care for an orphan.
It also happens to be the way that is most invasive into the comfort of your own life.
I find it hard to believe that there isn't someone, and likely more than just one someone reading this right now who IS being directed by God to go and rescue one (or more!) of these precious human beings. (That's why I don't have to be the one to tell you to go!!) It is so easy to be oblivious to the impact of the steady march of time, oblivious to the suffering so many helpless children are going through right now, and have been going through for years when we live our comfortable lives in our comfortable routines. Are any of the reasons you have for choosing to not adopt reasons that are coming from the best interests of the child? Or all they all stemming from your own best interests?
I am painfully aware of how much fear drives the decisions of even those who call themselves God's people. Fear of the unknown, fear of being tied down, fear of not having enough money, fear of not being able to do what they want to do, fear of "scary" diagnoses, fear of what others will think, worrying about how it will affect your other kids, or your marriage, or your retirement. So counter that with this: If God is calling you to obey Him in this matter, do you really think this is anything other than the best thing for you? When it is EVER a good idea to say, "You know God, I know you're telling me to do this, but I don't think you've really thought it through, God." Do you really think that NOT obeying is going to work out? The longer I get into this obedience thing, the more I'm learning that the only thing to fear is to find yourself not walking with the best of your ability in perfect alignment with what your Lord is telling you to do.
If he's telling you to go, and if he is, you probably know it, what are you waiting for??? I'm not going to tell you you have to adopt a child. But I AM going to tell you that if you are one of God's people, then you have to be obedient to him!!
While you are waiting and wondering, "Is that really what I'm hearing from God?" they are waiting, too. Only their wait is one where every day marks a loss of what could have been, where every day is marching one day at a time closer to the point of no return when, like Bogomila's house mates, it will be too late.
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| One of the few "candid" photos we have of Krassimir from before he came home. |
Don't do it because of emotion, but don't NOT do it because of fear.
*Since beginning this post months ago, I have learned that only one of the other residents of Bogomila's home is young enough to be adopted. I do not know if that child is registered for adoption. But I do know that there are many, many children in Bulgaria alone who are waiting for families. If *anyone* wants to know more, there is a link to my email at the bottom of the blog.
I believe you could try and bring Bogomila's friend to the states under a medical and/or humanitarian visa if you or someone else can sponsor her. I suggest consulting an immigration attorney. I'm sure it can be done. I'm sure it won't be easy.
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