Tsvetomira's in the ICU

It is very convenient living so close to good medical care. When we decided this afternoon that Mira needed to be taken to the ER, it was easy for me to pack up a bag for Matt, buckle her into the van, and send him off on the 15 minute drive to the hospital that Gillette is connected to.

The lady who admitted Mira to the emergency ward was the same woman who had been working the afternoon that we landed in the US and took Mira on her planned visit to the ER. This time they didn't even bother with a cursory stop through triage, but just sent her right to a room. Having oxygen levels in the 80s (which you are providing from your own oximeter) means you don't have to wait in the lobby.

A chest x-ray confirmed pneumonia. Her body temp was also dropping (she usually runs low, but 92 is quite low, even for her), so they went to work raising her body temp, put her on oxygen (a "3" out of "10" which means to me that there's plenty of room to go up should it become necessary) and started antibiotics right away.

Matt called me with an update, and I could hear her little moaning and labored breathing in the background. I asked to talk with her, and just told her that Mommy loved her, and that Daddy was going to stay with her so she wouldn't be alone. Matt said she definitely heard me, and was lifting her head toward the sound of my voice.

After an hour on the first antibiotic, they started a second one, and within 5 minutes things got very exciting. Matt said it was pretty impressive how many people responded very quickly when the "code red" was called. Turns out she had an allergic reactions to one of the antibiotics - they weren't sure which one - likely the second one, but just to be sure they cut both of them. Steroids and two epi-pen injections helped to calm things down, but made the emergency team decide to admit her to Gillette's ICU instead of just one of their regular wards.

Matt just sent the above picture to me, with the subject "Not happy girl."

He was happy, however, that the admitting doctor at Gillette was the same woman who had been there when Mira was admitted to Gillette for her first stay. She remembered Mira, and could hardly believe how much she has changed! She actually met them down in the ER during the code red call, and spent an hour with her and Matt there before Mira was moved up to her new room. She is currently researching which antibiotic she wants to try next, because even though the culprit is most likely the second one, Mira's reaction was sudden enough and severe enough that no one wants to risk duplicating that tonight, so neither one of those first two will be given again tonight!

They also made the decision to intubate her, more for the reaction than the pneumonia itself. But it sure makes her look like one sick girl!

Isn't the blanket they chose to give her sweet?

"I love Daddy, I love Mommy."

When we made the decision to take Mira to the ER, four of our children were gone visiting our neighbor-relative two houses down for supper. When they came home, it was interesting to see the two very different responses I got from two of our girls. One radiated peace, and the other was fretting and fussing. I know both girls care deeply about Mira, but it prompted a quick snuggle on the couch with some good reading material:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all comprehension, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.*

It's a command and a promise. And the promise is conditional on the command. You don't obey the command, and the promise doesn't follow. Do not be anxious about anything.

 

It is not pleasant to have our tiny Tsvetomira so sick and hooked up to so many machines and looking so very uncomfortable, but it is so good to not have to worry! We went into this (adopting her) knowing that it was not our job to save her life. It was our job to value her life so much that we are willing to sacrifice of our own life, time, money to make her our precious daughter - to demonstrate to her and to the world that all of mankind is worthy of love.

As much as I am so full of hopes and dreams for her and her life that is, in so many ways, just beginning, I also recognize that this could be the end for her, just like any day could be the last one for any of us.

Healing these bodies of ours here on this earth is not a primary goal for God. Yes, he can, and yes, he does, but the preservation of these temporary bodies is not the biggest deal that there is. I've thought about this in the context of the many miracles that Jesus performed while he was on this earth as a man. The lame walked! The blind could see! The sick were healed, and the dead - well, even that wasn't enough to stop Jesus - the dead were alive again!!! But, and this is a big "but," all of those miraculous things were temporary! Not a single one of the people that Jesus healed didn't have something else happen to them in the future. The ones raised back to life eventually died again. To me, it is a demonstration of his power, but also a reminder to us that this life is not all there is.

As soon as we fix our eyes on the present - on the life that we live on this earth in this aging, failing bodies, and begin to think that this is all-important, it becomes necessary to preserve life at all costs. Once we fix our eyes on Him, we can say, like Paul, that

...for me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.**

Fixing your eyes on Him frees you from worry. Obeying his command to not be anxious about anything means that his peace will guard my heart and my mind. 

Our little Pearl is very sick, but her life is in His hands, and we will wait to see how he is going to show himself in what the next days bring.

*Philippians 4:6-7

** Philippians 1:21