Reflections on anxiety

I don't have a complete picture of who is all out there reading this blog, but I know some of you are reading it specifically to know where things are with our family so you know how to pray. This post is for those people and of less interest to other readers. ;)

There is a very simple (though not fully complete) definition of sin in a tiny verse in a chapter at the end of Romans.

"...everything that does not come from faith is sin." Romans 14:23b

That makes the distinction pretty simple on many many things. "Is this [decision/thought/action] coming from faith?" If the answer is no, then it is sin. If the answer is yes, well, the verse does NOT say that everything that does come from faith is not sin, so a "yes" answer doesn't allow us to make a determination either way. 

Matt wrote about some of his thoughts related to the rain storm we had a few nights ago. He used the word "we" a little more broadly than he should have. He may not have been anxious at 2:30am when the thunder woke us, but I was. I was so agitated that it took me a full hour to fall back asleep. Ask Matt. This is not typical for me. ;) I can be asleep before my head hits the pillow!

My anxiety over the possibility of rain in the basement was not stemming from faith. Worry like that can not co-exist with a full conviction that God is good (and good to me) and that God is all-powerful, and that "even the wind and the waves obey him." And I knew it, and I wrestled, and my only consolation about that hour was that I didn't take the hit from worry lying down (well, I was physically, I suppose, but every other part of me was engaged in the battle against the blow that worry was dealing me.)

Fear is always strongest in the dark, and sure enough, by morning, my mind was set back on its proper center, but I was still unsettled by the mental wrestling of the night before. There have been so many BIG things that have come our way this summer (this one and the baby being the most significant) and I have been blown away by how God has provided the grace for me to travel through these with an unwavering conviction of his goodness and all-powerfulness, so to have something like a rain storm (like we haven't had rain before!) throw me like that was a good reminder of how very frail I am.

And it's a place for those of you who pray to be fighting for us!








a post script - after writing what is above and before posting it, I sat down with my Bible, and this is where I happened to be in the Psalms:

My soul waits in silence for God only;
From him is my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken
 ...
My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
 He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times [all times - hear that!], O peoplel
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
...
Once God has spoken;
Twice I have heard this:
      That power belongs to God;
      And lovingkindness is Yours, O Lord,
For you recompense a man according to his work.

Psalm 62:1-2,5-8,11-12