Strides and a road block

Here's a post about the progress on the house addition. Yes, we're still plugging away at that, though I now have zero time instead of very little to participate in that. That, combined with the fact that plumbing rough-ins and mechanical ducting and electrical wire just doesn't make for very interesting photos results in fewer updates.

But, work on all three of those areas has been moving forward. The plumbing rough-in is nearly ready, same with the mechanical. The electrical wiring has been slowly moving forward until this morning when it made a big jump towards completion. A number of years ago (I think I was pregnant with Reuben??) we did design work for a home remodel/addition for a neat couple with a large family (she was pregnant with their fifth at the time. I laugh at myself now thinking that was a "really big" family as we will now pass them up this spring!) that live less than a mile from us. They, like us, were planning on doing most of the work themselves and work at a reasonable pace to be able to pay as they went instead of having to go into debt to do the work. Duane is an electrical engineer, so even though he doesn't do electrical work himself, he understands it, and his oldest son did the electrical work for their new spaces as his 4H project under his Dad's supervision. (And they passed inspection!) Eight months ago, Matt emailed Duane to see if he could ask a few general questions about the panel and things like that. Duane was very helpful, and offered to answer other questions as things went along. A week and a half ago Matt emailed to see if he could stop over sometime next week when my parents are up and we were hoping to have the electrical nearly ready for rough-in inspection just to make sure there were no glaring errors. His response last Friday was more than we had anticipated - he and his oldest son offered to come over today (the day after Thanksgiving) and put in a long morning of work to give Matt some man-hours to actually get it done!

After a great morning's worth of work, the electrical is probably 97% complete (as far as what is needed before the first inspection.) Wow!!! That means that when my parents are up next week, mechanical and plumbing are the primary tasks, and will likely also get to the point of rough-in inspections which will put the whole project at a point where we'll be ready to start doing the inner layer of insulating and then sheetrock!!!

We got other good news last Friday - the gas boiler for the radiant system (we switched from electric to gas for a variety of reasons, so needed to swap boilers) was set to ship on December 18th. I don't think I've mentioned that we're hosting Christmas this year, and made those plans back when we thought the addition would be done in December. Ha ha ha. ;) Well, a boiler that ships on the 18th isn't quite going to get here in time to be heating the addition by December 24th, now, is it? And even if it does, who is going to come and do the gas hookup the day before Christmas Eve??? So when we also heard last Friday that the boiler had arrived at Menards, so now we have a much better chance of having heat in the addition. Even if it doesn't look beautiful, we can use the space to spread out a bit.

So some big strides are being made in a number of different areas.

And then there's the fireplace. Heh, heh, heh. You'd think the architect would have made sure the chase space was big enough for the wood burning fireplace chimney, wouldn't you? After all, isn't that why you hire an architect??? Oh wait. We designed this thing. [sheepish grin]. Matt's been working with the fireplace supplier/installer for a few weeks now, and has finally been able to get some more useful dimensions on the fireplace we had selected, but that bump on the back of the addition would have been much better if it were six inches deeper. They've been figuring and working stuff out, but just today Matt got an email from him saying he showed drawings of our situation and proposed alignment to his head installer and he simply said, "No." Hmmm. That's not what we were expecting. Or wanting...

So what's plan B? One option is to talk further with our favorite structural engineer and see if there is any way we can cut away the top plate on the back wall to get a few more inches right in that area. But even that may still be too tight.

So, plan C??? Maybe we switch to gas. Matt and I both have a kind of fundamental opposition to "fake" fireplaces (read, "gas"), but oddly enough, neither one of us has felt that so strongly today. The reality of kids, and kids who are physically more capable than their developmental abilities, is that a gas fireplace will be much simpler, and definitely safer. We just happen to have recently decided to get gas service to the house, so that's already an option where it wasn't three months ago. And the mix of traditional and contemporary style of the addition mean that we can lean one way or the other without it feeling awkward. Gas would be a no-brainer to install.

That means that my plans to go to bed early tonight went out the window as Matt and I huddled together over our AutoCAD files and played around with different proportions of the intersection of the fireplace, window bench extension, mantle, and metal shelf/firewood storage unit. Oh, yes, and control joints. ;)

Here was our original living room north wall elevation with the wood-burning unit we really liked:

The fireplace is the small rectangle roughly in the center of the room. The three purple circles were air vents for circulating warm air, and the red vertical box on the right was the wood storage/shelf unit depending on whether you were above or below the mantle. We liked this option. ;)

This was the first gas unit we considered. The firebox is bigger, and we didn't like how the proportion of it was more square. It pushes the mantle up so high, and just felt a little more clunky than our original "final" design. The notion of a wood storage box is also kind of odd with a gas fireplace. Also, because it was so tall, we had the move the control joint that its bottom aligns with to the bottom of the window bench instead of the top - harder to pull off in reality. But it could work...

 

So we looked at a different brand, and found one with proportions we liked much better. Only problem is that this unit only comes with a brick firebox, which doesn't have the right look - we've always wanted something a little more streamlined. But the size was much better...

 

So then we decided to go a completely different route, and try a long horizontal unit. We were surprisingly pleased with the result. It's a very different look from what we had started with, but there are many things that it accomplishes visually that are appealing to us. One thing in particular that I think could be nice is that a long fireplace makes it easier for a larger family to all find a place by the fire. Next step, I think, is to see how this compares in cost to our original options. Being gas, it *could* be comparable, even though its a larger unit. We'll see!

(sorry this image is at a slightly different scale....)

Some pick-up trip photos from Dondi's good camera

Dondi and I finally got coordinated enough for me to get her a flash drive, her to get the photos onto it, pass it off to a friend who was going to see me, and for that friend to get it to me, and then another day for me to get time to look at them! So this post will be packed with photos from our mid-October trip to bring Krassi home to make up for some of mine that don't have any. ;)

Waiting to be picked up to get our Krassi

Owen at a gas station in the mountains during one of the many smoke breaks that we took on our trip. (Not for us - for our driver and translator!)

Love the look on Krassi's therapist's face. (She's just to the left of him in this photo.) The delight that Krassi expresses anytime someone (PT here, doctors, etc) are handling his legs is a huge testimony to the care and kindness that this young woman showed our son during the year that she was working with him.

And another face that is precious to us. This is Krassi with his baba. When we visited in March, she was not willing to have her photo taken, in large part because of the bad press that the orphanage as a whole was getting. We are so grateful that she changed her mind on this visit. I expect these photos will be very special to Krassi as he gets older. No bad press on this woman! Again, the way that Krassi responds to his real grandma (Matt's mom) makes me grateful every night when I see them together for the attention that this woman gave to our son. She is the one who began to teach him what it means to learn to love and trust, and I'm certain that what she did for him on those two mornings a week for the three years she was his "baba" have made our job of getting into this little boy's heart that much easier.

This is the photo that made me cry. Her look is so tender. I love how she's cradling him like a little baby. And I see now something that I didn't know then - see Krassi's right index finger pressed up on her chin? That's how he connects with people/things that he wants to really know well - the finger presses down, then into his mouth, then back again. (I also get a kick out of the shadow of my pregnant belly on the left!)

In mommy's arms. You're mine, little boy.

Down the stairs and out the door. No more of that place for you, my son!

Already giving us some smiles on the first night. I was so glad to have Owen along - his laugh was a big part of loosening Krassi up and getting him to smile and laugh, too!

Especially because Krassi's mom was crying so often. ;) With smiles. But still. Owen didn't do any crying. ;)

Second day - first time going out for a walk.

Love this photo of the lion bridge. We walked this way so many times that this is very much what I picture when I remember being there.

Beautiful plaza with a neat fountain.Only walked through here once because although you can go right in on the one side, to get out the other side, you have to go up ~6 stairs and there were no "ramps."

These are just beautiful, too. I think every batch of travel photos of families I know of who have been in Sofia has one of these in it. But they really are pretty, no matter what time of year you're there.

Ahhh. That's more like it. A stair with a "Ramp"!!! (Another reason we were glad for Owen. After all, if Dondi had to help brace the bottom end, who would have taken the picture??)

This is another photo that brought tears to my eyes tonight. This was from the day we tried going down under the street at a different crossing where the "ramp" was not as nice, and it just was not going well. This man came up, and with limited English, offered to help us get Krassi down. This was pretty intense for me. Although the country is not currently equipped for people with disabilities like Krassi to be a regular part of society, Bulgaria is NOT void of people who are able and willing to show kindness to strangers. This man probably has no idea and never will, but his actions that morning are cemented in my mind as part of the culture that gave us our son.

And later that night hanging out on the big bed where we spent most of our hotel room time. Not too close, because that still wasn't really okay for him, but still near each other.

Dondi caught a smile! Oh, wait - see Owen in the corner! I'll bet he was laughing. ;)

Letting himself look (kind of) at mommy.

Because he has such positive associations with having his lower limbs handled, I spent a good portion of each evening massaging him with lotion. Look at those tiny feet.

LOVE this one! The boys (now all three of them) still wear matching socks almost every day. Owen announces the color every morning, and we go from there. Krassi's legs were twisted against each other for so many years that his feet look like he put them on the wrong legs.

Letting mommy get a little closer. If he's not looking at me, it's better.

Taking a brief step onto the balcony. What a beautiful day! What a tiny boy. My oldest son. All straight and stiff, he comes barely past my waist.

Sofia and the mountain

Beautiful boy

"Don't get too close mom!" (While waiting in the hotel lobby for our trip to the Embassy, I believe)

Attempting to get fluids in by cup. Not too effective, but both Dondi and I were impressed by how adaptable he was. You can see his jaw/throat working at it. We are still working on this. If I can get the fluid level down by 1/2 inch over the course of a meal, I feel it's a success. He still, even a month later, gets most of his liquids by spoon mixed into whatever he's eating.

Out for a walk as the weather's getting colder. We stopped for his afternoon snack in a park with benches.

"Don't get too close, mom!"

"Well, maybe just for a moment. But I'm not going to like it." (Yet, boy. You'll get there! He still doesn't really like snuggling, but is slowly become more accepting of it, and does appear to enjoy his bedtime snuggle routine, which is short, but close and personal.)

Cuddling in a way that was more acceptable to him.

As I look at these photos six weeks later, I can't wait to see where we are another month from now. And a year from now. This week has been a good week of seeing Krassi become notably more comfortable in our home. (I'll share some details some other time, but do have one other "real" thing on my agenda before bed tonight! So, once more, that will have to wait!)

Blankets

I just went in to make sure Krassi was covered up for the night, and was thrilled to see that not only was he still covered with the one I had put on when I laid him down, but he had pulled a corner of the new one he was given today over onto himself!

This is neat to see. When he first came home, he would not tolerate a blanket at all, and I could not cover him up until he was sound asleep. (When you live in a 1939 home in Minnesota you need blankets in the winter!) By morning, the covers were off, but usually only recently because he was still warm, and really is a good sleeper at night.

Starting about two weeks ago I've been able to cover him when I lay him down and he's still awake, and usually it got pushed down off his upper body, but only needed to be re-tucked after he fell asleep.

So seeing him all snuggled in, and some of it self-initiated was pretty neat. I've also noticed that when I go in to check on him he's often on his side with his legs curled up a bit - looks pretty cozy. When we first picked him up, he had a much more rigid, linear position.

But no pictures because I'm still not quite brave enough to use the flash when I have two boys sleeping in there! ;)

A day in photos

We're all enjoying using our new camera (which replaces the one that got dropped just too many times, and it only can be reassembled so many times before it just stops working!) so I thought I'd share a bit about what Krassi's days look like.

Starting with a shot from yesterday - this is Krassi showing off how flexible he is on Thursdays after he's had PT on Tuesday and then Thursday mornings. The little boy whose inner thighs were so tight for so much of his life that his feet have molded to each other in the shape of those twisted/crossed legs, is straddling my hip! And although I have his front leg tucked up above Baby, it still makes the stretch that much more for him. This is huge! We're hoping to take some time to see what some more physical therapy will do for his tone issues before we move to medication for tone management. So far he's making good progress given the time we've been able to put into it!

On to today. ;) Krassi still loves his baths. We decided to not get him a custom bathing chair at this point because he's still just fine (and small enough) to lay down in the tub, and may still get to the point where he can sit well enough that my hand nearby would be enough support.

And while we're in the bathroom, here's a shot of my big-girl-to-be. I'm still not sure what made me decide to get out the training pants Monday morning (probably knowing that Reuben would be at school for the morning and that someone from church was providing supper that night had something to do with it), but this week Rinnah has spent all of her waking hours in training pants. Training pants with nylon Dappi covers (from when I used to use cloth diapers) over the top. Those things are amazing. She can have an accident and there will be a puddle in the plastic pant, and all of her clothes (and the floor and furniture!) will be dry, but she gets the full effect of the feel of wet pants. Here five days into it and still a way to go before we consider her "trained," she is demonstrating how she can sit all by herself without Mommy near her. I may not have four in diapers come spring after all! *Only* three. ;)

 Krassi still spends most of his time laying on the floor. Matt mentioned earlier this week that he sometimes feels bad for him, but then stopped and realized that first of all, he's got a lot more to explore and places to move (and he DOES pull himself by his arms all over the living room, the school room and the kitchen in a very deliberate fashion!) and always people passing through and talking to him or snuggling him and often stopping to sit next to him. I still marvel at how engaged he is with the things around him. He has definite favorite toys, but also shows a real interest in new things that he hasn't seen before. Like this plastic bowl. ;) (Notice, too, how he's playing with Leah's feet as she takes the photo? He enjoys feet.)

 Reuben's been sick all week, and Rinnah, too, but Krassi has not caught it - he's a pretty healthy guy, apparently! Although Reuben's been essentially giving up his afternoon nap (with some very favorable results in his night time sleep - yay!!) he really needed one today. Upon waking he went right into a full tonic/clonic seizure (what used to be known as a grand mal seizure) which wiped him out. He was awake, and Matt brought him downstairs, but he fell right asleep in my arms. I don't like the reason, but I do love snuggling one of my sleeping babies!

Krassi got another new object today - I was scrubbing the inside of my crock pot lid with baking soda and brought it into the living room to sit by Krassi as I did so. He got a big smile on his face and came scooting right over to stick his hands all over it (nothing harmful in baking soda - just doesn't taste so good!) so as soon as I was done I rinsed it off and gave it to him, and he was so happy with it for quite a while! He will scratch at it, and taste it and bang it, and put it over his face - SO much exploring this boy does with the things around him!

Off I went to help Rin on the potty, so had to lay Reu down on the couch. He didn't wake up at all for the transition. Some seizures can really wipe him out that way.

Still playing with that lid! Ha ha! Check this out!! (Smiley boy!)

Still sleeping. Love the leg...

Three little ones in mom's lap. I spend a lot of my day on this floor! Krassi doesn't prefer being held - he'd rather be off doing his own thing - but we try to find at least a few times every day to spend like this, and I've noticed this week that he's more receptive to it.

Reuben will still frequently sit himself down right near where Krassi is. It's pretty neat seeing these two boys together. In many ways, they're my twins. ;) Same size (4T), both in diapers, both nonverbal (though Krassi makes Reuben seem like an incredible communicator), and nearly identical when seen from the back of the head!

Friday is our Bible study night, and the house is pretty full (especially in the winter when the big kids aren't outside). The first week this was pretty intense for Krassi, but he's quickly gotten quite acclimated to it. We do make sure that either Matt or I are holding him or near enough to touch him so he has no doubt that we're still there and he's still ours. Tonight Matt spent most of the time with him, and Krassi was quite happy being in Daddy's lap. First Daddy with his two oldest boys...

...and then Daddy with his two littlest boys. (The fact that "little and young" and "old and big" don't correspond is a useful distinction as we talk about the kids!) Reuben, of course, has his Bible. That's one of half a dozen things lately that consumes his waking moments. As a result, Reuben LOVES bible study night when there are all sorts of grownups with Bibles open that he can go sit next to. ;)

And then to bed. Once again, for the third night in a row now (fourth? I can't remember), Krassi has been all smiles and no pushing when I snuggle him up and sing him to his bed. I've also noticed that it's been about a week since he's had one of his unprovoked episodes of distress. I'm hoping that means he's one little step closer to being comfortable in his place here as part of our family.

Goodness

Lord, your goodness
Goodness, never
Never fails
It never fails me
How great....how great....how great...Lord, how great is your faithfulness...

(from a song I've listened to a lot lately!)

One thing I love about the way God works is that he asks us to trust him completely, and yet is so very aware of our human frailty.

I've had a few days this week that were rough - no real reason why they should be, but they were. These times are always a good reminder to me to keep Him at the center of my thoughts, and to meditate on the promises he has made to me as one of his people instead of on the circumstances that are around me, but I am human and weak and that's sometimes hard!

I believe that our own human weakness is one reason why God has not designed us to live our life before him on our own - why he wants us to have others who also believe and are leaning on him day by day near to us. God uses his people to be His hands on this earth.

His goodness never fails. Yesterday at a time when I really needed it, he provided me with an unexpected bit of time with a friend who was able to be His love for me in a flesh and blood variety. A face that I could see listening to me, words of truth and encouragement that I could hear with my own physical ears, and not just in my spirit. How can one ever falter with a God such as this? - always faithful, always true, always sensitive to our weaknesses - Lord, your goodness never fails me; how very great is your faithfulness!




PS. Just to clarify, being able to reflect as I did above does not mean that now things are all great and tidy again. Rather I have found that one great weapon against the attack of discouragement is dwelling on the great faithfulness of the God in whom I put my trust, and in sharing the above, I am reminded of a tangible, flesh-and-blood, God's-grace-intersecting-with-my-every-day-life example of the fact that He is good and He is faithful! And that's a pretty powerful tool. ;) And it reminds me to look for him doing the same thing in different ways today. Now off to change a diaper and fold some laundry!

Mr. D

Krassi has a real appreciation for small stuffed toy animals that fit "just right" (he knows what that is) into his dominant hand. If it's a really good one, we know because he chews on it.

Earlier this summer, one of his cousins picked up a family of five mice for us - one for each of the kids, including Krassi, even though he wasn't home yet. Now that Krassi's home, he's discovered that the mouse is one of the "just right" ones. ;) (Cousin Z, if you're reading this, you'll notice that Krassi has the one you had marked for Reuben - somehow they were both laying around the living room, and Krassi latched onto the gray one, and, well, we decided to let him keep that one -  you'll see why. Thankfully Reuben doesn't really have a sense of personal ownership for most of the things that are his, so he's fine with a brown mouse.)

Krassi's mouse now has a name. Mr. D. is short for "Mr. Disgusting." ;) He will chew and chew and chew on that thing - all four legs get a turn, and even the nice pointy nose goes in - the only place any of the rest of us are really okay with holding is the tail, which apparently doesn't have enough heft to be worth chewing! We'll see how long Mr. D holds up. ;) In the meantime, Krassi is pretty happy with his new friend.

Bedtime

It's hard to believe it's been nearly a week already since I posted last! I've had plenty of thoughts of things to share, but not the time at the computer to do it. But here's a little snippet of last night.

We have a pretty regular bedtime routine with Krassi. Around 7pm we change him, get him into his footies, help him push his sleeves up (yes, little boy, you can have your sleeves up, but you now have someone who is happy to help you get it that last bit over your elbows!) and pick him up, not over my shoulder which is how I will carry him during the day, but cradled in my arms just like one would cradle an infant. We walk around collecting bedtime kisses and then go into his room where I sing "Jesus loves me" to him before laying him in his bed.

Last night was the first time that he let me sing the whole song without trying to push me away at some point, and with a smile on his face. This took me somewhat by surprise because we weren't really seeing a gradual working up to this, but had a regular routine of him smiling for a moment, and then working hard to get away. (I always wonder where he thinks he's going to go - does he want me to drop him on the floor??) So to have him smile the whole time, and not be pushing me away was not what I was expected. But I liked it. :)

Even though he is still not into that during the day, he again at bedtime tonight was able to relax into it a bit as I sang and then laid him down (somehow managing to get my growing belly over the side rail and place my growing boy back against the wall! One of these days that will just have to become Matt's job! But I'm going to keep it as long as I can. ;) Matt has started getting him out for me in the morning. I can lift him just fine, but the in and out of the lower bunk is a more complicated endeavor!)

Another sweet moment last night came from Rinnah (not quite two and a half). Around 9pm I heard her making some noise, so went up to check on her. "Rinnah, do you need something?" "[mournfully] I need you, Mommy." "Well, dear girl, you've got your mommy! There, is that better?" "Yes." "Rinnah, I am so glad that you have a mommy. Did you know that there are little boys and girls who don't have mommies?" "Krassi has a mommy!!" "Yes he does, Rinnah. I'm so glad that Krassi has a mommy."

I think she gets it. ;)

Back downstairs. Five more minutes of figuring on the sewing project I'm trying to complete and I hear little noises from Krassi. Although it goes against all of my previous parenting strategies for helping children form good sleep habits, I try to go right in to Krassi if I hear him at all after he's gone to bed. He'll have time to (re)learn self-soothing strategies. Right now he's got to learn that when he's sad or whatever that mommy and daddy are there. And, in a beautiful moment, he, in his half-asleep state, felt my hand on his back and reached up and grabbed my arm instead of pushing it away.

So many things during the day remind me that he's got a long road to emotional healing, but there are also so many moments where we can already see that having had a month home with his family is starting to make a difference to him.

Sitting up

There is so much I could blog about, but for the sake of time will just share a few light-hearted photos of my oldest son who I'm so proud of.

Thursday afternoons and Fridays are always good days physically for Krassi. I think after PT on Tuesday and then Thursday, he's kind of at the maximum benefit of the stretching exercises and the muscle memory of the movements she's been working on with him, and it's always fun to see what he is comfortable doing before the main effects of that wear off.

Three times today he got himself up to a sitting position on his own!! One of the first things Lori taught me was how to pick him up off the floor in a way that doesn't use his central core stomach muscles, but encourages him to use the muscles on the side which are much weaker for him, but so critical for so many things that we would like to see him eventually be able to do. So this motion is something that I help him through many times during each day just as a normal part of caring for him.

Check out my big strong boy! I'm sitting near him to catch him if he happens to lose his balance, but he was doing great!

After a bit, he let himself back down (with some help to make sure it was a smooth transition), and then within a few minutes, was back up again! Doesn't he look proud of himself? It is so much fun to be able to cheer him on. Even Reuben piped up with his characteristic, "Wooow!" (one of the few words that he can produce - he makes frequent and appropriate use of this word!)

And as a postscript, mostly for my sake, he weighed in a 31 lb 8 oz today, so less than last week Monday. I'm thinking one or the other of those measurements was off, because he sure doesn't seem to be losing weight! We can already see a visible difference in his face and even in his thighs. But his eating has certainly tapered off, and with that, so is the need to change his sheets every morning because he overflows his diaper!