Two weeks home

Well, Krassimir's been home for two weeks already! I've said multiple times to many people that Reuben is still our most challenging child. But that doesn't negate the additional work that is created by adding another family member! I hardly know where to start, so I'm going to try a simple bullet point approach to give you an idea of how Krassi's doing and how his family is doing!

- Krassi is still my amazing eater. As long as we puree it enough (not completely, but enough), he will eat anything! He's had herbed tomato bisque soup, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, chipotle chili with plain yogurt, oatmeal, baked oatmeal, green tomato bread soaked in Pediasure, spinach/beef/noodle casserole, Zuppa Toscana, and pretty much anything else you can think of. He eats a lot of bananas and avocado and applesauce, cottage cheese and plain yogurt, and pumpkin (despite being told at the orphanage that this was the one thing he didn't like - apparently he'd never had homegrown pumpkin before!) We find that he usually takes about 45 minutes to fill up, but that when he's full, he will push the spoon away with his hand. He had been eating four meals a day at the orphanage, and we continued that until a few days ago when we noticed that since we're feeding him until he is full at breakfast and lunch that he doesn't always need a snack before filling up at supper. Often I will give him a snack, but *I* control how much he eats at the snack - enough that he is satisfied, but I stop before he stops me. He still only eats/drinks from a spoon, though we have had occasional success at getting a little bit of liquid into him with a sippy cup. We will continue to work on this skill!

- We had our visit with the international adoption clinic doctor on Wednesday of this week, and she ran a whole panel of blood tests and will get back to us about any deficiencies that we will want to address in his diet. We asked her specifically about what and how much to feed him. Although she referred us to a nutritionist if we desired for the "what" she said that we did not have to be concerned about feeding him too much. This is another advantage of Krassi being one of the "bigger" kids to come out of his floor of his orphanage. Many of the other children we know of who came from the same environment were even more severely malnourished than Krassi was/is and there are concerns about introducing good nutrition to children like this too quickly because it can cause their bodies to shut down completely. It greatly simplifies my life to be able to just feed him. She said that as long as he is not uncomfortable after eating or vomiting from overeating, that it is good for us to let him regulate so he doesn't grow dependent on us to tell him when he has or hasn't had enough. She expects him to do most of his growing in the next six months and then slow down. (Funny - *I* plan to do a lot of growing in the next six months, too!)

- Krassi spends most of his days in the middle of all the activity that goes on in our living room. He is too big and inflexible and my belly is already too big to make carrying him with me for any period of time a feasible idea (I'm hoping that maybe a back carrier may be a possibility before too long (ie before I'm WAY too big) as he continues with his PT and I work with him at home - last night for a short amount of time I was able to carry him straddled on my hip! Or some semblance of that. This is evidence both of the progress he made with his PT at the orphanage as well as his comfort level with me (more comfortable=less stiff) and the hip rotation and knee/hip bending that position requires is something that was not anywhere near possible last March!) Although I would like to have him closer to me for bonding, especially considering he's got some competition on the way, we are making the most of what we have. I am always close enough to be talking to him, and make a point of touching him in some way every time I pass through his very central location. It delights me, too, to see how often I will find Reuben near Krassi.

And there are still plenty of times when I am able to be close by, or sitting on the floor snuggling him, or bouncing him on my lap, or carrying him upstairs with me for small tasks. Yesterday this was the view from where I was sitting on the floor against the couch:

All sorts of babies in that photo!! (Because it's harder to tell from the backs of their heads if you don't know them, Reuben is in the red and playing with his iPad and Krassi is in the blue right next to me and whoever's inside. ;)

- Krassi also spends some time each day propped on the couch. So far he seems pretty stable up there, as he tends to fall to the side and not forward just because of the way his body works.

Ha! I caught a smile!

This is also a common expression - notice here how he's almost sitting cross-legged? He had PT the morning this picture was taken, and had fantastic (for him) flexibility for the rest of the day.

The typical "fall over to the side" next to an essentially oblivious Owen.

Reuben, however, was very aware of what was going on - "Boys on the couch!" - and decided he would figure out a way to get into the fun. Krassi is not at all put off by this sort of gymnastics (though it does make mom a little nervous!) and even seems to get a kick out of it if Reu or Rin misses a little and knocks into him - it's never been enough to hurt, and Krassi seems to like the physical interaction.

With a little help from me, we got Krassi sitting back up so there was room for Reuben.

My three boys on the couch. Check out those ankles. Doesn't Reuben look like a big bruiser next to his brother who's more than twice his age??

- Krassi also enjoys exploring the tiny hall space where I have diapers set up. Often when I'm done changing him I'll let him scoot around for a bit rearranging the diaper crate and "only worn once" clothes crate. And whatever else he finds on the floor. He thinks this is pretty hilarious. I know this video is not much to *look* at, but the audio is pretty fun. ;) Give him a few seconds to get going...

- Although we have lots of times where Krassi is just delighted by life like in the video above, he's also got times when he's whimpering or worse, and I just don't know why, and am not able to comfort him. Partly this is because as a mother my primary means for comforting my children is snuggling, rocking, singing, and none of these are familiar to him, and will often add to his distress. A number of times he will whimper when there is nothing at all that appears to be wrong, and I wonder if there's part of him that's contrasting his life now to his life then, and it's too much for him to process. I may be thinking much too sophisticatedly for him, but I wonder if there are all sorts of difficult emotions (grief, anger, frustration) that are raised by being in a love-filled environment that he never had to deal with when what he knew at the orphanage was all he had ever known. In many ways he strikes us as a rather intelligent child, and I wouldn't be surprised if this is part of what he's struggling through. If this is the case, I expect these times to get more difficult for him in the upcoming weeks and months instead of something that will dissipate quickly. He's got nine years of bad history to deal with and work through. So we use these times as opportunities to help him start learning that when he cries, when he's sad or hurting, or upset, that he's got a mama now who is going to comfort him. He will sometimes find comfort in me holding him over my shoulder and bouncing, and one thing that almost always works is when I sing a simple little song to him that kind of just grew last week. "Mama loves you, Mama loves you, everyday, everyday, Krassi has a mama, Krassi has a mama, everyday, everyday. I'm no vocalist, nor that creative at lyrics, but it has been amazing to see how I only need to start singing that and he relaxes a bit and sometimes even smiles.

- More mundane, now. This is why I'm doing bullet points - lets me jump from topic to topic as my tired brain allows. ;) We are satisfied from the last week's evidence that we are not dealing with any complicated bowel/gut issues!! The constipation while in Sofia I am chalking up to the stress of a different environment and caregiver, and the extreme opposite of that which was our experience early to mid week last week I'm attributing to a sudden introduction to a much different, much richer, and more nutritious diet. Since last Wednesday Krassi has been nice and regular, passing nice middle of the road stools a few times during the day starting with one when he first wakes up that although it usually results in his pjs and undershirt being wet are not usually dirty outside of the diaper, and a few times, now, we've managed to not have to change the sheets in the morning!!! Yay hooray!!! But, myself included, I am responsible for the bodily waste of more than half of our family members. Matt will change a few when he's around (but he's still too nervous to handle Krassi that way, which is fine because it lets me maximize my role as Krassi's primary/sole caregiver) but other than that, I'm on my own!! I can not explain to you how incredibly chunky Reuben and Rinnah appear!! I changed Krassi and put him into pjs tonight, then Reuben, and called him my Beefcake. Then came Rin, and I was asking her if she was a beefcake, too, to which she answered, "noooooo" so I asked if she was a turkeycake. "Yeah!!" Silly girl. ;)

I am finding so much to hold onto in this short passage from the end of 2 Corinthians chapter 4 that I shared the other night.

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Although I dislike the comparison to "affliction" or "suffering" because my life most certainly isn't either one of those, and I most certainly don't want to apply those terms to my children, these are definitely overwhelming times when the things that I am juggling seem way beyond the possible, and I spend much of my day working to keep my focus on what is important about what I'm doing. So I take comfort in knowing that this is the life that God has prepared for me, and that my work loving (and changing and feeding) these children and my husband (and mother-in-law) (though thankfully I don't have to change my husband or mother-in-law!) is so much more than just that. Knowing that this is the life he has given me means that when I live it joyfully without despairing, HE is glorified. When I look at the temporal things, it's easy to get discouraged. This house will never be clean again! But the temporal things are just that - temporary. And in the end, who cares if my house is clean? I don't intend to stand before God someday and say, "Hey - did you notice how nice my house looked and how I mopped the floor every week?!" No. I intend it to sound much more like the refrain of a song I play regularly on the piano, "All I have is Christ, hallelujah - Jesus is my life."

"Now Lord I would be yours alone and live so all might see,
The strength to follow Your commands could never come from me.
O Father, use my ransomed life in any way you choose,
And let my song forever be, my only boast is you." 

This is the life he has called us to. I most certainly don't have the strength or the resources to live this life on my own. But I know Someone who does.